The song that has been playing over and over in my head this morning is I’m in the Lord’s Army.
I remember singing it as a child.
“I may never march in the infantry, ride in the cavalry, shoot the artillery, but I’m in the Lord’s Army.”
I haven’t heard that song since I was a kid, and now I can’t get it out of my head.
Why?
Because I’m growing in my relationship with God.
And really, isn’t that what the song is about? Being in the Lord’s Army… being aligned with God.
When people see alignment, growth, and change, they become curious. When people see someone changing for the better, it makes them think about their own actions and their own lives.
Isn’t that better than shooting artillery?
Causing change.
Isn’t that the Lord’s Army… making change for the better?
Samuel was growing in the temple, and I am growing in my temple… my body.
I’m healing my nervous system and reconnecting to myself.
If that isn’t growth, I don’t know what is.
My growth has been realizing how much I misunderstood life and how I thought it was supposed to work. Maybe not for everyone else, but for me.
Eli’s eyesight was dimming as he grew older, but I like to think my eyesight has been sharpening as I grow.
Yes, it dimmed toward the things that never worked for me.
It was like my whole life I had been trying to shove a square block into a round hole.
I pushed it.
I reformed it.
I used all my might to make it fit.
But it never really worked.
Most of the time, it just got stuck.
Now I feel like I’ve finally removed the block, sanded it down, washed it off, repainted it, and I’m ready to place it in the square hole where it actually fits.
I think that’s been my issue my whole life.
Maybe it’s not that I never fit in.
Maybe none of us are meant to fit in.
God created each one of us differently, yet instead of celebrating our differences, we spend our lives trying to become more like one another.
That’s not how this world is supposed to work.
We are supposed to learn from one another, not become one another.
If this world were filled with a bunch of Keri Jo’s, I would be bored and you would be annoyed.
When I was a kid, there were cliques in school. I can’t say I ever fully belonged to one. Someone from my past may remember it differently, but I don’t think I could stay in one group.
I liked the differences.
I liked everyone.
I wanted everyone to like everyone else.
That saying, “Can’t we all just get along?” has pretty much followed me my whole life.
As an adult, I’ve realized something.
When people try to keep you separated from others who are different, it usually isn’t protection.
It’s fear.
Fear of being left out. Fear of not feeling worthy enough.
It’s like a child yelling, “These are MY toys! MY snacks!”
What they fail to realize is they are missing out on all the other toys, all the other snacks, and all the other friendships.
That’s what I did most of my life.
I controlled my environment.
I let my light shine inside the spaces where I felt safe and accepted, but I didn’t let it shine everywhere I went.
Because outside my controlled environment came all the “what ifs.”
What if someone doesn’t like me?
What if I annoy someone?
What if people think I’m weird?
Or worse…
What if I realize I’m someone completely different than who I thought I was?
Then I stepped outside my tiny controlled environment.
And that’s exactly what happened.
There are people in my life who don’t like the new me.
This version of me annoys them.
They think I’m weird.
And I discovered I really am different than who I thought I was.
But when I stepped outside the environment I controlled to feel safe, I finally aligned with my authenticity.
And when I aligned with myself, I aligned with God.
Because we are all pieces of God.
God lives within all of us.
And I think God only wants one thing from us:
To be authentically who we were created to be.
So the real question is…
Are you ready to let your light shine while letting your old self dim?